The Poker Game
by Instant Vegetable
Summary: A funny poker game with the gundam crew, with unexpected results.


The Poker Game  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own the mentioned characters, blah, blah times 50 etc.  
  
  
Heero, Trowa, Duo, Quatre, and Bob Barker are having a game of Poker.  
Each player has 5 cards as usual but they are stuck with what they have and they can't pick up others. I know there is a specific term for this but I can't remember right now. Probably becuase my back just went into spasms. Oh welllklmkmkmlmlmllllmlmlm, oh sorry about that, I got it again, damittninninnnnnnnononnsnonfononfioof, shit. I better get that checked out hey?  
  
  
Heero looks at his hand but has nothing.  
  
Heero: Shit.  
  
Duo: Well, looks like Heero has a shitty hand, I think i'll stay in for this one. How much is on the line for this round?  
  
Bob: Rod why don't you tell us what's in store for Duo....  
  
Rod: Well Bob, it's a new car!!!!!!  
A crappy recorded tape plays of an audience cheering.  
  
Trowa: Where the hell did that come from?  
  
Quatre: I don't know, maybe there's someone else down here.  
  
Heero: It's Wufei's basement guys, we're the only ones down here.  
  
Trowa: And you're sure that Wufei doesn't want to join in?  
  
Heero: Oh Wufei doesn't even know that we're down here. I had to smash his window to get in, then the rest of you just came through the shattered window.  
  
Quatre: I'm sure that Wufei won't appreciate it Heero, I think you should pay him back for the damages done.  
  
Duo: You know what Quatre?  
  
Quatre: What?  
  
Duo: Why don't you go fuck a cow.  
  
Bob: Alright everyone lets see what you've got.  
Heero folds, Trowa puts down a full house, Quatre doesn't even have cards he's just sitting there sipping his crappy herbal tee, Duo puts down a pair of 10's, and Bob Barker pulls out a couple of aces.  
  
Heero: Looks like Trowa wins that round. How much cash did you get.....  
Bob interrupts.  
  
Bob: Trowa, you just got a chance to play Plinko and win up to 50000 dollars!  
  
Trowa: YA!  
  
Bob: Come with me Trowa.  
5 stands appear.  
  
Quatre: What the fuck!  
  
Duo: Shut up before I slice your colon in two with this card.  
  
Bob: Alright Trowa, now we'll see how many Plinko chips you can get.  
The first stand turns around revealing a middle class computer monitor.  
  
Bob: Well Trowa, is that monitor greater than or less then 500 dollars.  
  
Trowa: What is it's resolution?  
  
Bob: Rod can you tell us what the resolution of the monitor is?  
  
Rod: Well Bob, I have no fucking clue. Just take a wild guess dumbass.  
  
Trowa: I'm going to say greater than 500 bucks Bob.  
  
Bob: Oh, I'm sorry it's less than 500 bucks. You still have a chance to win 4 Plinko chips though, and a chance to win up to 40000 dollars.  
The second stand turns around revealing a gold plated dildo.  
  
Quatre: Sweet.  
  
Duo: Oh I bet you like that Quatre don't you.  
  
Heero: Don't you realize it yet Duo, Quatre is a Hemaphrodite.  
  
Quatre: You son of a bitch! I told you not to tell anyone. That date for Friday is off. You lost all your chances with me. Our relationship as of now is terminated!  
Quatre leaves through the opening where the window was.  
  
Heero: We had a relationship?  
  
Bob: Is that gold plated dildo more then 1000 dollars or less than?  
  
Trowa: Greater than.  
  
Bob: You are correct Trowa, you now have 1 Plinko chip.  
The third stand turns around revealing a Aries mobile suit.  
  
Trowa: How does such a small stand support all that weight?  
  
Bob: Rod...  
  
Rod: Why the fuck do you ask me all these questions, how am I supposed to know, I don't set up the stage!  
  
Duo: Have you figured out where that voice is coming from and what about all those flashing colors. They're fucking with my eyes.  
  
Heero: I have no idea. I'm suprised that Wufei doesn't here all this. If it keeps up we're probably going to get caught.  
  
Bob: Does that Mobile suit weigh more or less than 12 tons?  
  
Trowa: That's an easy one Bob.......it weighs more than 12 tons.  
Duo covers his face and Heero's jaw drops.  
  
Duo: How could he have gotten that wrong?  
Duo looks at Heero who's motioning with his hands that Trowa does drugs.  
  
Duo: Really?  
Duo thinks that he should find out where Trowa is getting the stuff and see if he can get it for cheaper than where he's buying it now.  
  
Bob: I'm sorry Trowa that's incorrect. You're 1 for 3, with 2 left to go.  
  
Trowa: (thinking to himself) Fuck! Just think how much marijuana I could have bought with 50000, now i'll only be able to get a maximum of 20000, no wait.........I've won 1 so far, so that's a possible 10000 and there's only two left that I can possibly get right, so 10000 plus 10000........simplified that's 1+1 which is equal to.........3.......plus the other 1 so that makes 40000? Sweet! I can still get a shitload of marijuana. No wait, 1+1 isn't 3 it's..............5.2, yes that's it 5.2 that means I can get 60000 worth. Oh yes!  
The fourth stand turns around revealing a porno magazine.  
  
Heero: Hey what issue number is that Rod? I don't think I have that one...........Rod?........Rod!  
  
Rod: Oh, what.....I guess I dozed off there for a second. That issue number is 43. That ones sweet. If you don't have it Heero I can lend my copy to you.  
  
Heero: Okay......hey wait a minute, how did you know my name?  
  
Rod: That doesn't matter now.  
  
Heero: Whatever.  
  
Bob: Is that magazine greater or less than 7.50 Trowa?  
  
Trowa: Ummmm, i'll say less than Bob.  
  
Bob: That's right Trowa, you're 2 for 4, with 1 left to go.  
The last stand turns around revealing a pencil.  
  
Bob: Trowa, is that pencil greater or less than 30 cents?  
  
Trowa: Is it a Venus pencil Bob.  
  
Bob: Rod?  
  
Rod: Yeah whatever.  
  
Bob: There you go.  
  
Trowa: Okay, then I'm going to say less than 30 cents.  
  
Bob: That's correct Trowa you've won 3 out of 5 Plinko chips. Now lets see how much you can win on the Plinko board!  
The Plinko board mysteriously appears.  
  
Duo: Holy shit, somethings messed up here.  
  
Heero: You're telling me.  
Trowa walks up the stairs and prepares to drop the first chip.  
  
Bob: Ok Trowa, let go of the chip and hope for the 10000.  
  
Trowa: What?  
  
Bob: I said to let go of the chip.  
  
Trowa: Huh?  
  
Bob: What?  
  
Trowa:........  
  
Bob: Let go of the damn chip before I break your hand forcing you to drop it.  
  
Trowa:.............Oh sorry I tuned out there for a second..................What?  
  
Bob: Let go of the fucking chip asshole!  
  
Trowa: Chip?.............what chip?...........huh?.......................................what?  
Bob becomes frustrated.  
  
Bob: DROP THE FUCKING CHIP!!!!!!!!!!  
Trowa just stands there.  
  
Bob: AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU SLOW PIECE OF UNPROCESSED SHIT!!!!  
*Ping, thump*  
Bob throws the small microphone at Trowa and hits him in the head knocking him down. A few seconds later Trowa stands up as if nothing happened to him. Trowa places the chip on the board and drops it.  
  
Heero: Boy that bump on the noggin must have screwed something around.  
  
Duo: Yeah, it made him smarter.  
The chip lands in the 500 spot.  
  
Trowa: Yeah! I won 500 bucks. Marijuana, here I come!  
Trowa drops the second chip but it lands in the 0 dollar spot. Tears start to form in Trowa's eyes. He begins to bawl and tears spray everywhere.  
  
Bob: Oh don't cry Trowa, you still have 1 chip left, you might get the 10000 dollar spot. Not Bloody Likey. (Says Bob to himself.)  
  
Rod: Bob, you know he's not going to win the 10000, no one ever wins the 10000 dollars, the fucking board is rigged, the places on the board that give out the least cash have magnets near them bringing the chip closer to them. You have almost no chance of winning the money.  
*Thump, thump, thump, thump, thump*  
  
Wufei: Hey! What the fuck are you guys doing in here?! How did you get in?!  
  
Heero: Uhhhhh....the door was open.  
  
Duo: Yeah, what he said.  
  
Wufei: The door wasn't open because it was locked all day.  
He notices the missing window.  
  
Wufei: Fuck my window. Who did this. Whoever did it I will personally see fit that justice is served.  
  
Rod: It was like that when we got here.  
  
Wufei: When who got here. Where's that voice coming from?  
  
Trowa: What?.................  
Wufei sees the equipment.  
  
Wufei: Where are all these lights coming from and how did that Aries mobile suit get in my basement, and this board. Plinko? What the fuck is that?! Guys do you know anything about this?  
He looks back to get an answer from Heero or Duo when he sees that they escaped through the opening.  
  
Wufei: Fuck! Those pig fuckers, i'll get them for this! Trowa! Do you know anything about my window, or how this shit got in my basement?  
He looks behind him to find nothing, everything is gone.  
  
  
Wufei's eyes open.  
  
Wufei: What the hell, it was all just a dream.  
He looks in front of him and on the t.v screen is the Price is Right. He gets dressed and walks into the kitchen where he finds Trowa smoking marijuana at his kitchen table.  
  
Wufei: Get the fuck out of my kitchen! Now!!  
  
Trowa: Huh?............................  
  
  
How did you like this one. PLEASE REVIEW AND CHECK OUT MY FRIENDS, HAND OF NOB'S FICS. More to come. Created by Instant Vegetable. Oh yeah, like what Hand of Nob says, with school and all it might take a little longer to post stuff, plus I don't have the net so I have to use Nob's net connection to put my crap up. I hope you enjoy our stuff!  



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